Breath In the Bliss

stuck within this boundless pain, in fear i’d never leave here.

forever always to be confused on a topic i consistently think of, love. how sad is it to be a stranger to a dream you wish to eventually reach. Higher than the clouds themselves, gifted from the heavens to be our haven on earth, praised by the people below. Love, i never understood it. I mean from the girls i kissed, to the girls i dated, to the girlfriends i had. From the girls that rejected me, to the girls who hurt me to the ones i hurt, and so on for the ones i used and the ones who used me as well  I apologize to you.

Maybe i never did miss my ex’s. Maybe their success throughout the time after me made me realize i’m no better or any changes i made were just a lot more insignificant than i thought.

I spent years believing any stereo types thrown at women at all weren’t true, i stayed believing in that women weren’t all the same but just wanted a nice guy. im so wrong, but not completely. All women are different, while some want a night with you others want to spent morning with you. Several live for the night and others live for a brighter future. Yeah i see some are confused on what they want or still suffer trust issues but its a part of life they have to experience even if others dont end up experiencing.

I always have my parents beautiful story to have as a idol and i’ll always have my brothers as well  My parents met when my father went on vacation to El Salvador, and he walked into a bar, my mom happened to be the waitress. When he met her, he said it was love at first sight, and by the end of the time when he ordered the check he asked her out on a date. The two spent the next couple of weeks dating until they went back together to new york. They both share the same birthday and have a about a 10 year cap from each other. My brother always had a crush on his best friends sister since senior year. They always talked but he never bothered making a move because she had a boyfriend and he respected that. During her freshman year in college she came back to new york for vacation and he said asked her out to a rock concert, since she was single. Back then phones had horrible reception so when he finally got her call the next day he ran to pick her up afraid she was about to go home. They ended up hanging out in their friends house and in the midst of their conversation he had his eyes closed. She kissed him. passionately. From then 8 years later he told me that was the day he considered to be their real anniversary, he always found all of them easy to date or kiss, and he never asked to put a label on any of them. he told me out of all the girls in his past that she was the only one her ever officially asked to be his girl.

I had a few close and lovely relationships but they was the fact i was needed some sort of lesson. well recently my friend introduced me to this girl. God, shes gorgeous and my type. i mean she beautiful, has a fun open personality. Close to her family and loves the movie 500 days of summer, has a nice smile and reliable to her boyfriend and caress about generally who’s shes with. And on top of that she thinks i’m cute. i can’t lie i was in awe for days because it was a great chance or things awaiting to flow. Unfortunately it was wrong timing, because she’s just not ready to talk to someone. My happiness lasted only a few days. Only to be replaced by another emotion. I’ve been stuck on what to do, because i know i deserve this but i have to keep trying cause there’s a good chance this can end up really well. Or i can end up wrong and be wasting my time. i wonder because i gave up to messing with other girls because i wanted to leave my phase where i feel like all girls are the same.  i want to be happy and having a girlfriend isn’t going to be what makes me happy not that’s stupid and cliche. Its knowing that i have someone to spent my nights with because we both have insomnia. Its someone i can eat popcorn with when we watch 500 days of summer. Someone to call when i’m bored. Someone to have over to have dinner with the family, or someone to invite me to have dinner with their family. Someone to text in the morning. Someone who can make me smile. Someone i can make smile. Someone to have a future with even if it takes my patience to work things out. Someone who can help me with this confusion on love. Someone who can make me think i don’t deserve such a gift. Maybe i’ll keep trying cause you never know, i know my family didn’t but things worked out. so we’ll see